cons of tapeworm
-regular parasite stuff. I don’t want to bore you
pros of tapeworm
-friend inside
-never lonely
Me, passing someone on the highway: bitch
Me, being passed on the highway: bitch
friend: which brand of insect repellent should i get?
me: i think generic is fine but go OFF i guess….
☀️💐🍹 (at The Albion Rooftop)
me: i’m a bottom. i can’t do this
the drivers ed instructor: for the last time i don’t know what that means. i’m just trying to teach you to parallel park
me when someone tells me shit like “you know all these meds are actually worse for you they turn you into a zombie ://”, “you should try yoga”, “why dont you exercise more”:
me, gay: [about a car] so like what… flavor is it.. what.. brand? kind?
other person, slightly weirded out but taking it in stride: oh it’s a ford falconwing xx you know :) v36 engine and all that
me, visibly shaking, tears brimming my eyes, having no damn clue what they’re saying: [strained, slightly choked up] what color
The reason brunch is gay is because none of us are awake for breakfast
The fire cleanses
we aren’t build to last as a species
if u ever feel sad just look at this picture of tom hanks and jake gyllenhaal
me: *gets scared that i’m wasting my life*
me: i’m gonna deal with this feeling by taking a long nap in the middle of the day